I made a joke list of old-time song titles, and then actually wrote the music for this one. It's all Blind Lemming Chiffon's fault.
lyrics
Write your dissertation, skanky old goose! C F C Gsus4
Or you'll be in our Sunday stew C Gsus4
Write your dissertation, skanky old goose! C F C Gsus4
Or Mama's got a recipe for you! G C
If you're not a post-doc, you'll be on the chopping block. F C Gsus4 C
Write that dissertation now! Gsus4
If your grant runs through, it's in the pot for you. F C Gsus4 C
Better get writing, old fowl! Gsus4 C
Write your dissertation, skanky old goose! C F C Gsus4
Or you'll be in our Sunday stew C Gsus4
Write your dissertation, skanky old goose! C F C Gsus4
Or Mama's got a recipe for you! G C
Being ABD's not enough for me F C Gsus4 C
Write that dissertation now! Gsus4
Schedule your defense or you'll be past tense. F C Gsus4 C
Better get writing, old fowl! Gsus4 C
Write your dissertation, skanky old goose! C F C Gsus4
Or you'll be in our Sunday stew C Gsus4
Write your dissertation, skanky old goose! C F C Gsus4
Or Mama's got a recipe for you! G C
Or Mama's got a recipe for you! G C