I watch you sleep there next to me D Dsus4 D
The hard lines on your face are softened D Dsus4 D
I gently sigh and wonder about our future D Dsus4 D
Specifically whether I'll escape this coffin, D Dsus4 D
Saw through these handcuffs Bm
And call the police off- A
icers, before it's too late G Bb
Not to die on this date D

I placed an ad: Sexy scientist seeks Mr. Right D
For romantic walks on the beach and labwork late in to the night D A
Replies so far: Doctors Evil, Wrong, No, and Claw E
I don't wish to stereotype but I do not detect a respect for the law E B
There must be something wrong with how I am communicating D A
I hate to quit, but this is it for me and online dating D A A7

When I hoped we'd have chemistry D Dsus4 D
That was a metaphor, not a request D Dsus4 D
For a formic acid martini D Dsus4 D
I want a lover, not a litmus test D Dsus4 (D)
As I prepared to meet you, Bm
I hoped that you'd be sweet, but A
You're just another asshole G Bb
Living in a haunted castle D

Why'd I ever
Place an ad...

So girls if you meet a man who D Dsus4 D
Seems sweet but has a name for his chainsaw D Dsus4 D
Tell him the two of you are through D Dsus4 D
He probably wants to take your brains out D Dsus4 D
He'll only break your heart Bm
Like, literally, break your heart A
So avoid a night of terror, G Bb
And do not repeat my error D

And place an ad...

Well, maybe one more try... D