Thingies from 2013!

by Brooke Abbey

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1.
You cut your neck open and bleed on the page Am F And we seek to interpret the shapes that it makes Dm E You know what, you're bleeding, Am I think that that's all that it means F E Could you prick your finger and let the spell take Am F Dm Let the briar grow over your keep E Am Let the sun set and rise ere you wake F Dm Do you think, do you think you could sleep E Am Am F E Pick any card from a deck full of spades And tell your grim fortune with eyes full of fate The hanged man is watching But I find I must look away The morning arrives and your eyes are still open You take up your gauntlets and sword and the menu The chef has requested your heart on a platter Am F But I am no huntsman today. Dm E
2.
Thumb War 01:51
G gsus4 G Bb Bbsus4 Bb F Bb F G Gsus4 G 1, 2, 3, 4 G I declare a thumb war G 1, 2, 3, 4 Bb I declare a thumb war Bb 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! C G My hands are nice but just 80% G The rest is purely hostile intent Bb Rock, paper, scissors never solved anything F Bb F Let's have a thumb war G It's a thumb war! Now don't you scoff G It's a thumb war! The gloves are coming off Bb It's a thumb war! Oh now I'm thumbing my nose C It's a thumb war! They've always been opposed. G Bow... Shake hands... G 1, 2, 3, 4 G I declare a thumb war G 1, 2, 3, 4 Bb I declare a thumb war Bb 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! C G You said you like Shakespeare, and that's a mistake G That a man who has thumbs should never make Bb Romeo and Juliet, right in Act One F Bb F All those Capulets biting their thumbs! G It's a thumb war! Now don't you scoff G It's a thumb war! The gloves are coming off Bb It's a thumb war! Oh now I'm thumbing my nose C It's a thumb war! They've always been opposed. G Bow... Shake hands... G 1, 2, 3, 4 G I declare a thumb war G 1, 2, 3, 4 Bb I declare a thumb war Bb 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! C G G gsus4 G Bb Bbsus4 Bb F Bb F G Gsus4 G Thumbs up!
3.
(In the recording I play this at capo 2) You've got a brand new scheme, a whole dance and song Em A surefire investment that can't go wrong Am D Am Your prospectus looks too good to be true B C B So baby I've got some questions for you B Have you thought things through, have you done the math? Em Is there a grizzly bear on your critical path? Am D Am 'Cause if you're selling futures in the Piltdown man B C B I detect a flaw in your business plan. B Em I detect a flaw C I detect a flaw Em I detect a flaw in your business plan. B Em Your handshake's as firm as a motel bed And your business suit will knock 'em dead But has your manifesto been proofread? I've made some notes in the margins in red 'Cause you make a first impression like Claude Monet But if you are expecting people to pay For a ticket from the fire to the frying pan I detect a flaw in your business plan I detect a flaw I detect a flaw I detect a flaw in your business plan I don't mean to insult your common sense But the Board of Directors is going to be tense if You don't address these concerns of mine So before you sign that dotted line… Use a fine-toothed comb and Occam's razor Before you're in reality's targeting lasers If you're selling life insurance to the Gingerbread Man Then honey, there's a flaw in your business plan Honey there's a flaw in your business plan
4.
No Thank You 01:21
You build a cage and wait with pride Bm D For praise from all the birds inside D A And some fly tame in to your hand Bm D And so you think that you understand D A What wildness is. Em G You're a man with a cage. G Bm The wire is pretty; and wire's not cheap And birds aren't easy things to keep Would they rather scavenge in the yard? And would it really be so hard to say thank you? To the man with the cage. If birds refuse to sing your name Stop shouting that you're not to blame Inspect instead your silhouette And guess why we're a bit upset as birds - To see a man with a cage.
5.
I'm wrestling with documents on my machine, as G Dm We've upgraded to Office 2013 F Am Or downgraded maybe? The point is that some kind of grade has occurred G Dm F Am And it's my job to take all these lemons and make lemonade out of Word G Dm F Am br: But it's hard to stay focused; I wish for escape. Bb Dm Or for death. Or an earthquake. Or maybe a cape! Bb Dm Yes, what if IIIIIIIIIII was bitten by! A radioactive fax machine! Dm G Dm G Dm (stop) What would I do with my boring new powers? Bb If I had the power of PowerPoint, I'd Put you to sleep with my tedious slides And send you in Lucida Console to some kind of formatting hell Where you're bound for eternity by broken links to a tab in Excel And if I had the power of Search and Replace I could find every instance of your stupid face And replace it with kittens and wouldn't that just serve you right Mewling and scratching and trying to chew on your pharynx all night You know, I'd not even sure who my target might be There's no supervillain in sight, only me And they're paying me well for this tedious Office torment I should probably shut up because I enjoy paying my rent And avoid making eye contact Bb Dm With my radioactive fax machine Bb Dm
6.
I saw you on the train downtown B G# Whoever you are B I guess that's all we have in common B G# At least so far B I thought you might have smiled at me But you were on your phone So maybe you were smiling at your mother Or your girlfriend or the dialtone -When I glance in your direction E -I shut my mouth and get the vapors B -My life is full of missing connections E -And I write in to the last page of the paper B F# If you had really said hello I don't know if I could have stayed I would have gotten off the train early To keep from thinking what to say -But it's nice to imagine as I write this -I'm the pawn of serendipity -And that somehow true love's kiss -Will reply to this mailbox, toll free -I'm too afraid of real-life rejections -To open my mouth and to engage -My life is full of missing connections -And I write in to the newspaper's very last page I saw you on the train downtown Whoever you are I guess that's all we have in common The same subway car
7.
I built you a shrine in black velvet Bm E Bm In a chapel with marabou trim Bm A E Where portraits of mystical figures Bm E Bm Grant miracles, dance, and sing hymns Bm A E Over here Joan of Arc will glow in the dark Bm A E With her holiness or with her paint Bm E Is it God's earnest blessing or dye phosphorescing Bm A E You never can tell with a saint Bm E The relics' true worth is debated Bm E Bm But I take every one at its face Bm A E "Authentic" is so overrated Bm E Bm For the forger may too express grace Bm A E For does it really matter if Christ's sacred platter Bm A E Has a label marked Made In Japan? Bm E Maybe not just salvation, but free validation Bm A E of parking is part of God's plan Bm E So please come and visit my altar Bm E Bm And I'll honour the coupon I gave Bm A E For a fifteen percent price reduction Bm E Bm On a pebble from Elvis' grave Bm A E Now foreign investors in cheap polyester Bm A E Suits have arrived to size up Bm E The earning potential of sites reverential Bm A E With snack bars and souvenir cups Bm E So stop by my roadside attraction Bm E Bm Before all the truth disappears Bm A E For I built it for you from black velvet Bm E Bm And it's fake but it's also sincere Bm E
8.
Alphonse’s Song We have been punished Csus4 C And alchemically rearranged Gsus4 C I don’t think that I still believe Csus4 C In equivalent exchange Gsus4 Am I lost my whole body Csus4 C You lost your leg and arm Gsus4 C I can’t help but think that it was Csus4 C You who took greater harm Gsus4 Am Chorus: Our mother is gone Csus4 C But brother I’m still here Gsus4 C I’m still me inside this armour Csus4 C Brother I am still here. Gsus4 Am Our mother is gone Csus4 C But brother I’m still here Gsus4 C Maybe we should count our blessings Csus4 C Brother I am still here. Gsus4 Am Brother I am still here. Gsus4 G C It’s hard to remember now Csus4 C What it felt like to taste food Gsus4 C I can’t feel the touch of your skin Csus4 C But brother I still feel your moods Gsus4 Am I wish I could take your load Csus4 C With the strength of my steel hand Gsus4 C The burden that you carry Csus4 C Is too heavy for one man Gsus4 Am Chorus Maybe the philosophers Csus4 C Could heal us with their stone Gsus4 C But if you could forgive yourself Csus4 C We could leave this quest alone Gsus4 Am I’ll do whatever you decide Csus4 C And where you go I’ll follow Gsus4 C But brother can you answer this: Csus4 C Shouldn’t it be me who’s hollow Gsus4 Am Aren’t I the one who’s hollow Gsus4 Am Chorus
9.
For an Ant 01:41
If you dwell on winter's gloom Am C D Am Agony, woe and parking tickets Am - E - You will miss the sweet perfume Am C D Am That attends October's thickets Am - E - Give me no dark disclaimer! E - Am - Many a foolish road begins in sorrow, ends in sorrow Am D Am - - - E - Yet passes a landscape painted in joy Am D Am D Think on this and do not borrow Am - E - Trouble against tomorrow E - Am - If this is bound to end in tears If no good thing can follow from it But is the only path to you I would still embark upon it Gladly I'll sign that waiver! Many a foolish road begins in sorrow, ends in sorrow Yet passes a landscape painted in joy Think on this and do not borrow Trouble against tomorrow What benefit may be derived Fatalistically feeling wary? If one more day you have survived Take my hand and let's be merry! A grasshopper needs a fiddle! Many a foolish road begins in sorrow, ends in sorrow Yet passes a landscape painted in joy Think on this and do not borrow Trouble against tomorrow Trouble against tomorrow
10.
Progress Bar 01:48
The time for broken bones to mend G Gadd9 The time until your work will end G Gadd9 The time until we meet again G C I promise all these things will pass G D When all the greenest fruit is ripe And Sherlock sets aside his pipe And when a million monkeys type up Hamlet, and the water boils Then you, the pot I'm staring at G Gsus4 Can set aside your traveller's hat G Gsus4 And sit with me and marvel that G C We ever felt so far apart G D The time for broken bones to mend The time until your work will end The time until we meet again I promise all these things will pass
11.
Silver Lining capo 5 There's a light in the sky and it's blue or it's grey G if it's sunny or cloudy I sure couldn't say C Csus4 C but I still listen to the weather predictions G D and that's because I'm a fan of science fiction D G and having some kind of hypothesis makes me feel better - C G though the people who get theirs from horoscopes aren't much wetter. G D G It's going to rain, there's no need to guess And you're going to get wet no matter how you're dressed You can wear a hat and a full-on Goretex suit But you'll still wind up with a swimming pool in your boots I've given up on carrying umbrellas around I know they'll just wind up in transit lost and found If the clouds disappeared and the sun came out What would we all complain about? Our city would be struck silent without whining So let's be grateful the sun will not be shining D G (C G)
12.
There's a mental game C What if I were sent G Back twenty years Am Knowing how things went Bb F One imagines that C With a few more tries G I might get it right Am Being oh so wise Bb F But wistful thoughts of C Pulling out old thorns G Disappeared the day Am That you were born Bb F For there's no regret C On which I could stew G That's painful enough Am to risk missing you Bb F Every bad choice that C Kept me up at night G Every poor decision Am Sorrow or slight F Is a treasure now C That you're here with me G Because if they changed Am F You might not be C G Am F Here with me C G Am F It's not that you're C Some perfect font G Of virtue and grace - Am That's not what I want Bb F I just want the chance C To watch you take G Your trembling steps and Am Make your mistakes Bb F To hold you tight C To let you go G Be worried and proud Am To always know F That I may not be C a beacon of light G But there's one thing Am F That I did right C G Am F That I did right C G Am F Every bad choice that C Kept me up at night G Every bad decision Am Sorrow or slight F Is a treasure now C That you're here with me G Because if they changed Am F You might not be C G Am F Here with me C G Am F And I may not be C a beacon of light G But I look at you and know one thing Am F That I did right C G Am F That I did right C G C

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Songs written in 2013! Does what it says on the label!

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released June 2, 2013

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Brooke Abbey Vancouver

Brooke Abbey (formerly Brooke Lunderville) is a banjo-playing pharmacist from Vancouver, BC.

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