Ivan is the perpetual sidekick in the Vorkosigan books by Lois McMaster Bujold. You should read them! They are so good! His competence is redeemed spectacularly in the latest volume, Captain Vorpatril's Alliance, but I will let this stand as a historical artifact. This is the first filk song I ever wrote! But not the last, of course. Cheers, song, you started a lot of good trouble in my life. You idiot.
Miles is off to Cetaganda and oh yeah, Ivan too
To pay respects to noble dead and foil a plot or two
While Miles is being a hero, Ivan's drinking poisoned beer
The ambassador just wants to know: why the hell is Ivan here!
Ivan, you idiot! What are you doing here?
You're going to screw up everything just by being near
You mean well and you're handsome, but that's all that we can say
We'll call you when there's donkey work, until then STAY AWAY
Admiral Naismith's come to Earth to rest his weary feet
There's just one little problem: there's no cash to fix his fleet
He's off to hit the embassy to ask them what the fuck
But guess who's just been posted there, of all the rotten luck!
Captain Illyan's memory chip is causing him some pain
A sabotager's virus has infected his poor brain
Friends gather by his bedside to comfort and explain
But through his sick confusion he knows enough to proclaim:
The Council of Counts has begun and things are looking grim
Lord Dono wants to be a Count but there's no sign of him
Wait, here he comes with Ivan! It seems he's saved the day
You'd think Miles would be grateful but instead all he can say is: