Full Steam Ahead

from by Brooke Abbey

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This is dedicated with great affection to all my pharmacy preceptors over the years. It's an only slightly exaggerated account of one of my clerkships - inspired by my preceptor saying "We're on the Titanic and it's full steam ahead to the iceberg!" as he explained what was going on when he came out of the meeting saying that the store, which had been open for close to 100 years in that community, was going to be shut down permanently. He and the other pharmacists behaved with total professionalism (No, no one ate the narcotics.) and I learned a lot - but BOY that was a stressful place to be that month.

lyrics

I arrived at my pharmacy practicum, C
Lab jacket pressed, my first day F C
No one was at the store, just a note on the door - F G C F
We'll be opening late for today. C G C

When the pharmacy staff finally arrived, C
The prevailing emotion was panic. F C
Head office just told us we're losing our jobs - F G C F
So welcome aboard the Titanic! C G C

And it's full steam ahead to the iceberg, C
There's no need to stop our campaign. F C
Yes it's full steam ahead to the iceberg, press on! F G C F
We'll use it to chill our champagne. C G C

We forgot you were coming, C
Distracted by labour relations. F C
Though we're not really sure what your coursework entails, F G C F
You're about to get an education. C G C

So take note as we hemorrhage customers, C
Wave as they walk out the door. F C
Just don't bother the manager, he's hard at work - F G C F
At opening up his own store. C G C

And it's full steam ahead to the iceberg, C
There's no need to stop our campaign. F C
Yes it's full steam ahead to the iceberg, press on! F G C F
We'll use it to chill our champagne. C G C

You may wonder why we don't seem worried, C
You may ask why we act so blasé, F C
It's because if we stick out this whole sorry mess F G C F
At the end we'll get severence pay. C G C

So it's B Y O job satisfaction, C
And take what amusement you may, F C
Go on, eat the narcotics, feed glue to the shredder, F G C F
Do the blister packs backwards, write doctors rude letters, F G C F
Tell all the customers cheap drugs work better, F G C F
Just so you last 'til the last day! C G C

For it's full steam ahead to the iceberg, C
There's no need to stop our campaign. F C
Yes it's full steam ahead to the iceberg, press on! F G C F
We'll use it to chill our champagne. C G C

credits

from Clutter from 2006, track released May 25, 2006

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Brooke Abbey Vancouver

Brooke Abbey (formerly Brooke Lunderville) is a banjo-playing pharmacist from Vancouver, BC.

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