Don't Touch My Belly (Or I'll Kill You)

from by Brooke Abbey

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about

I wrote this when I was pregnant. I was not kidding.

lyrics

Don't touch my belly or I'll kill you! (I'll kill you!) D G
Don't touch my belly or you'll die (Start praying) D A
It's not that I don't like you, D
Although right now? I DON'T LIKE YOU G
Anyway, so... killing. I'm just saying. D A D

My baby's well protected by my organs of digestion D G
And the part that you're now squeezing is in fact my small intestine D A
And it's flattered by your love, but you know what, we were hoping D G
You could show your love some other way than groping. D A D

Don't touch my belly or I'll kill you! (I'll kill you!)
Don't touch my belly or you'll die (Start praying)
It's not that I don't like you,
Although right now? I DON'T LIKE YOU
Anyway, so... killing. I'm just saying.

Have you heard of morning sickness? It's when pregnant women puke -
So to guide your understanding of the strength of my rebuke
Please consider that you're poking at my half-digested food
I sure hope you're in a do-my-laundry mood.

Don't touch my belly or I'll kill you! (I'll kill you!)
Don't touch my belly or you'll die (Start praying)
It's not that I don't like you,
Although right now? I DON'T LIKE YOU
Anyway, so... killing. I'm just saying.

My family, my friends, my neighbours, customers at work
The people on my bus ride, excited grocery clerks
All reaching out like zombies - does my belly smell like brains?
I'm thinking of investing in a chainsaw.

Don't touch my belly or I'll kill you! (I'll kill you!)
Don't touch my belly or you'll die (Start praying)
It's not that I don't like you,
Or... no, no that was the reason!
Anyway, so... killing. I'm just saying.

credits

from Miscellany from 2010, track released June 16, 2010

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about

Brooke Abbey Vancouver

Brooke Abbey (formerly Brooke Lunderville) is a banjo-playing pharmacist from Vancouver, BC.

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