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Melinda learned her lesson and stayed the hell away from the party as her star rose in Wendar. But when the Gnome god of mischief takes an interest in you, learning your lesson doesn't help you much. Posing as an agent out to make her rich, a gnome deity talked her in to a lucrative set of gigs - neglecting to mention that they would take place 800 years in the past. She lived it up, enjoying the love and adoration and opulent luxury, but eventually, missing her already-trained Darryls, she sought help from the gnome mystics to get back to her proper time. Yeah. That didn't go well. She was trapped as a statue for 800 years until the party happened upon her stony face, frozen in place with an expression saying WTF, an ivory scroll of Stone to Flesh hidden in the base of her plinth.

lyrics

800 years of glaring
My anger increasing the longer I stood here alone
800 years of glaring
Waiting for someone to free my flesh from the stone

And thanks for that, but I can't say I'm surprised
That when shit goes south I run in to... you guys

Seriously, what is it with you heart's delvers.

800 years of glaring
Reaching to strangle my agent with marble hands
800 years of glaring
I'm the kind of girl who prefers one-night stands

What year is it now? Is my music forgotten?
Is my family all right? Are my Darryls still hot?

The gnome Darryls were... not the same.

800 years of glaring
My furious face transformed from fire to ice
800 years of glaring
Glaring and wishing I'd read the contract twice

800 years of glaring
800 years of glaring
800 years of... compound interest
GUYS WE ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE AND I AM GOING TO HELP

*inspire courage*

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Brooke Abbey Vancouver

Brooke Abbey (formerly Brooke Lunderville) is a banjo-playing pharmacist from Vancouver, BC.

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